30 Single (and possibly mentally unhinged) Ladies.

A public display of affection. Is there anything worse? I don't mean a cheeky little peck on the lips every now and again as you go round the supermarket, that's no problem at all, if anything it's a little bit cute. I can't stand people who seem to have absolutely no social boundaries whatsoever, and proceed to get as close as they can to mating their other half without being arrested.

I walked in to McDonald's the other day to pick up some food, and on my way to the counter, I couldn't help but be appalled by a couple in their 30s exploring each other's throats with their tongues. I didn't really feel hungry after that, so maybe the government could use that information to combat obesity.

Anyway, worse still than public displays of affection are people who are desperately single. If you are lucky enough to have never encountered one of these types, just watch Take Me Out on ITV1 next Saturday night.

If you haven't seen Take Me Out, think of it is as a 21st century re-imagining of Blind Date in which single men come out and try to win a date with one of a panel of 30 single (and possibly mentally unhinged) single ladies. All this is overseen by Paddy McGuiness, who has a seemingly endless list of metaphors to make the whole thing a little bit entertaining.

As well as entertaining though, the process is infuriating. It would seem that if a boy wants to land a date on Take Me Out, they have to be an over-masculine jock with a chin that could smash through a plank of wood, or rich. You can't live with your parents, you can't have any quirky hobbies that give you any sort of extra dimension to your personality, and you definitely can't have any bad habits. Unless you're Irish. For women who are so desperately single that they have to go on a TV show to find a date, they are unbelievably picky. That is except for Jo Jo, who would probably go on a date with a gorilla as long as it was wearing a mask of a human face, and even then the Gorilla would come to his senses and switch off her light.

Take Natalie for example, she's beautiful. Unfortunately for her, she thinks her height is a bit of an issue because she stands at around 6'8". As a result, she immediately turns down every man who isn't taller than her, and if he is of a similar height, then she will wait until the next round when she realises he has some interests that are slightly different to hers. There are just no guys out there for you are their Natalie? You poor, poor thing.

Then there's Peggy. Peggy could definitely have got herself a date with a nice man last night, unfortunately she started talking. She had already decided that he was perfect for her, he looked exactly like her ex, who for some reason decided to cheat on her, and oh my god, he was just perfect. Like...his body, his hair, his face, there was nothing bad about him. Oh my god, he was perfect. Shortly after all this, he switched her light off. Can't begin to think why.

Perhaps, the reason for my underlying rage is due to some sort of jealousy. If I'm honest, I would love to go on Take Me Out. However, I am convinced that as soon as I told the girls my name and where I'm from, they would all switch their lights off, apart from Jo Jo, who would be foaming at the mouth at the prospect of an actual date. At this point I would cry, and possibly rip some of my hair out. Then Jo Jo would turn her light off. Then I'd go back to the green room and cry while the jocks laugh at me, shortly before going out and getting dates. The pricks.

While Take Me Out is one of the trashiest, most ridiculous things on TV, it definitely serves a purpose. At least, no matter how single you are, you will never, ever want to go on such a show. So you can just laugh at everyone who appears on it and pretend you're better than them. If that's not Saturday night entertainment, then I have no idea what is.