This evening's news told me that today has, for a great portion of the UK, been the hottest day of the year. Not for the portion I'm in. While many people have been frolicking around in the sunshine, I've been sat in my room, watching it rain. Thanks, Devon.
Luckily I'm not really the type of person who wants to spend as much time as possible in the great outdoors, for one thing my eyes can't cope with it. If there's even a hint of sunshine, I have to whack some sunglasses on. If for some inexplicable reason I don't have some on me, it's all I can do to wonder around places squinting. To passers by I either look very suspicious of everything, or downright weird. So, instead of enjoying this year's slight glimmer of Summer, I've just sat in my house watching Wimbledon.
It's been a week now, and I'm still not sure how I feel about Wimbledon. Tennis is a sport that can be quite exciting to watch, but at other times it can be painful, especially if you're watching Venus Williams. How anyone can take themselves seriously making that much noise playing tennis, while wearing a hideous playsuit in the process, is completely beyond me. Of course, you can argue that Venus Williams is one of the most successful tennis players in the sport's history, she can yelp as much as she wants when she hits the ball. I would agree with you, but that still doesn't excuse her clothing.
Anyway, the tennis has been fantastic for the most part. It's not the play that bothers me though. It's Wimbledon itself. I don't often get irritated by crowds at sporting events, but Wimbledon is different. I don't like their tone. I can't stand the gasps every time a player dives about the court, I can't stand the laughter every time someone does something that doesn't make them look like a robot with nothing on their mind but playing tennis, even their clapping sounds more highbrow than mine. I'm already irritated, and that's just the noises they make.
Once you start seeing crowd cutaways, the irritable feeling dies down a bit when you realise that a lot of the people are probably just like you. Then you see a drunk middle-aged woman with Union Jack flags all over the place and it comes back, only this time a little bit more painful.
I think my reason for this general feeling of disdain towards the viewing masses at Wimbledon is Tim Henman. Henman is notoriously British, both in voice and in his profession. He was never going to be the best, but everyone gets behind him and shouts 'Come on, Tim' after every single point and all of a sudden people started to believe he might actually do something. Then they get disappointed when he goes crashing out in the quarter-finals (a bit like the football team). I'm scarred by those 'Come on, Tim' chants from middle aged women who didn't know whether they wanted to mother him or sleep with him. I don't think I'm ever going to forget them either.
However, shout 'Come on Tim' in front of Andy Murray and I will find it hilarious, even if he doesn't. That sort of humour sums Wimbledon up really, along with the strawberries, the cream, the Pimms, the rain. It's too British, and that's probably why I get so irritated by it. Having said that, I will be watching the coverage all day tomorrow, and probably every day after that until it ends on Sunday, because that's the sort of person I am.
Monday, 27 June 2011
Monday, 20 June 2011
The Quarter-Life Crisis
A few weeks ago I wrote a half-baked, half-serious idea for a short film. It was all about Dominic, a man struggling to accept that he was growing into a monotonous, fun-sapped, 9-5 working adult. For Dominic, the penny dropped as he went to choose which cereal he was going to eat one morning.
Inspiration is more often than not drawn from your personal experiences. I'm not dissimilar to Dominic. For me, the penny dropped after moving back home after three years of being a student. I had been putting it off for as long as possible, spending the last seven weeks after finishing my studies living with absolutely no purpose. In that seven weeks I have become a 1940's Los Angeles detective, become a woman trying to escape from a diabolical set of test chambers, and become player-manager of Juventus, where I won the league and cup double. Better yet, I did all of this sat in front of my television, with a PS3 controller in my hand.
However, after seven weeks, even the Playstation loses its appeal, and before I knew it I was waving goodbye to student life about two stone heavier, two inches wider and with a beard. I'm a 21-year-old University graduate. Christ, I'm an adult.
It doesn't feel good either. At the moment there is a hollowness, knowing that the easy life is behind me for good. I liked the easy life, for the most part it treated me well. I've sorted myself out a job, and unlike summers gone, I can't run away again after a few months. This time it's a much longer commitment, in a few short weeks I may have earned some money, but will I be happy? I'll be like Mark Renton, when he moves to London and becomes an estate agent in Trainspotting, only I'll be in North Devon and not an estate agent (and not recovering from a chronic Heroin addiction), I'll be Matt Renton.
We've all heard of the phrase mid-life crisis. I've not experienced one, but my readings from the television, the general public and the film American Beauty have given me some opinions. It's when things stop working and you can't do anything about it. It's when you realise you've probably wasted the best years of your life. It's when you buy a sports car in a shallow attempt to make yourself appear young and cool. Right now the only thing stopping me from having a mid-life crisis is my age, and the lack of sports car.
However, while I may be having a quarter-life crisis about moving back to Devon and settling down, it can only be a testament as to how much I enjoyed university life. Sure, if the hangovers are anything to go by, I've probably shaved a few years off my life. Sure, I've endured an incredible amount of shit from people ignorant towards the idea of higher education, and sure, studying at an arts campus has meant I've met an incredible amount of hipsters. But overall, I have had an amazing time studying a fascinating subject around some incredible people.
And on that rare positive note, I should probably end this piece. I don't start work for another two weeks, so in the mean time there's nothing left for me to do but pick up a PS3 controller and brutally kill a space city of hideous aliens. Why let student life end if you're not ready for what's after it?
Inspiration is more often than not drawn from your personal experiences. I'm not dissimilar to Dominic. For me, the penny dropped after moving back home after three years of being a student. I had been putting it off for as long as possible, spending the last seven weeks after finishing my studies living with absolutely no purpose. In that seven weeks I have become a 1940's Los Angeles detective, become a woman trying to escape from a diabolical set of test chambers, and become player-manager of Juventus, where I won the league and cup double. Better yet, I did all of this sat in front of my television, with a PS3 controller in my hand.
However, after seven weeks, even the Playstation loses its appeal, and before I knew it I was waving goodbye to student life about two stone heavier, two inches wider and with a beard. I'm a 21-year-old University graduate. Christ, I'm an adult.
It doesn't feel good either. At the moment there is a hollowness, knowing that the easy life is behind me for good. I liked the easy life, for the most part it treated me well. I've sorted myself out a job, and unlike summers gone, I can't run away again after a few months. This time it's a much longer commitment, in a few short weeks I may have earned some money, but will I be happy? I'll be like Mark Renton, when he moves to London and becomes an estate agent in Trainspotting, only I'll be in North Devon and not an estate agent (and not recovering from a chronic Heroin addiction), I'll be Matt Renton.
We've all heard of the phrase mid-life crisis. I've not experienced one, but my readings from the television, the general public and the film American Beauty have given me some opinions. It's when things stop working and you can't do anything about it. It's when you realise you've probably wasted the best years of your life. It's when you buy a sports car in a shallow attempt to make yourself appear young and cool. Right now the only thing stopping me from having a mid-life crisis is my age, and the lack of sports car.
However, while I may be having a quarter-life crisis about moving back to Devon and settling down, it can only be a testament as to how much I enjoyed university life. Sure, if the hangovers are anything to go by, I've probably shaved a few years off my life. Sure, I've endured an incredible amount of shit from people ignorant towards the idea of higher education, and sure, studying at an arts campus has meant I've met an incredible amount of hipsters. But overall, I have had an amazing time studying a fascinating subject around some incredible people.
And on that rare positive note, I should probably end this piece. I don't start work for another two weeks, so in the mean time there's nothing left for me to do but pick up a PS3 controller and brutally kill a space city of hideous aliens. Why let student life end if you're not ready for what's after it?
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Some Superpowers You Might Actually Want
Comic book heroes are bloody everywhere these days aren't they? In the last few years we've seen Iron Man, Spiderman, Superman and Batman. This year the amount of movies based on superheroes seems to have spiked, with Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America all getting outings at the big screen.
I was watching the latest one a few nights ago, X-Men: First Class, which tells the story of how the group of mutants first came about. The film itself was quite impressive, unlike many other action films, this film actually had a story line and explored the friendship between Charles Xavier and Eric Lehnsherr, who of course will later come to be arch enemies.
But it wasn't that which I enjoyed. It was thinking how amazing it would be to have a superpower. Whether it was seeing Xavier use his telepathy to chat up women, or seeing Lehnsherr just completely kick ass throughout most of the film. It made me think it must be awesome to have a superpower. In fact, we've all thought it, because having one means you can automatically have the upper hand over everyone else in life (unless you have one like the man in the Skittles advert, in which case your life is barely worth living). It would be bloody fantastic wouldn't it?
It wouldn't. It might seem awesome to be able to read people's minds, but only when they're saying good things. For someone with such fragile self esteem as myself, all it would take is for you to overhear someone thinking 'cor, he's piling it on nowadays, and did he dress and do his hair in the dark or something?' and I would be running home in a flood of tears and wails of 'WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO HURT?' Where Professor Xavier stands out is that he can influence people's actions. So if someone does think something bad about him, he can make them punch themselves in the face, or get someone else to punch them in the face. Although I didn't see this in the film, I'm almost certain that it's being considered should there be a sequel. Anyway, he may be able to stop people thinking bad things, but I probably wouldn't. I'm not clever enough.
I have thought of a few powers that I would like though. These don't break any laws, and (as far as I'm aware) they don't impinge on anyone's human rights, or dignity. After all, if I could stop time or something I would only end up with a number of restraining orders and/or criminal charges against me.
1) The Changingman
I'm rubbish with money. Not because I waste it on junk, I only do that when it comes to food and drink. I'm rubbish because I'm not good with change. I pay for a few items and before I know it my wallet is overwhelmed with coins, and not nice £2 or £1 coins, we're talking small change. The worst type of change. If I buy something else, do I get rid of my change? No, because I don't want to hold anyone up, and I'm always well aware that the person at the till is losing the will to live, so I pay with a note and get more change. It's a vicious circle.
My superpower would see me have the correct change at all times. "That's £3.78 please," a shopkeeper says. That's not a problem for me. All I have to do is dip into my wallet and out comes the exact amount. I would be happy, the shopkeeper would be happy, the people queuing would be happy. No bad could possibly come from having that as a superpower.
2) Burglar sense
This one allows me to detect when someone is breaking into my house, and only my house. I don't want to be some sort of vigilante like Batman. I could never live up to Batman. No, this one simply wakes me up and lets me know when someone is breaking into my house. Not only can I take the correct steps to apprehending the burglar once my power has been put to use, but when I wake up at 2am hearing an unfamiliar noise I will be safe in the knowledge that whatever it was, it was nothing to worry about. Unless it was actually the house burning down, in which case I would die in my ignorant slumber.
3) The Sandwich Maker
Hungry, but can't be bothered to lift your fat arse off the sofa and do something about it? In a rush, with no time to make anything to eat? I've experienced both of these problems before, and this power solves both of them. Instant sandwiches. Obviously the ingredients are needed before clicking my fingers, I can't just make stuff appear out of thin air. Provided I have everything though, all it takes is some simple finger clicking. One for bread, one for butter, one for fillings, one for sauce, one for cutting. It's simple. Of course, problems may occur when you click your fingers for something else and you walk into the kitchen to find bread everywhere. But that's a small price to pay for instant happiness.
I was watching the latest one a few nights ago, X-Men: First Class, which tells the story of how the group of mutants first came about. The film itself was quite impressive, unlike many other action films, this film actually had a story line and explored the friendship between Charles Xavier and Eric Lehnsherr, who of course will later come to be arch enemies.
But it wasn't that which I enjoyed. It was thinking how amazing it would be to have a superpower. Whether it was seeing Xavier use his telepathy to chat up women, or seeing Lehnsherr just completely kick ass throughout most of the film. It made me think it must be awesome to have a superpower. In fact, we've all thought it, because having one means you can automatically have the upper hand over everyone else in life (unless you have one like the man in the Skittles advert, in which case your life is barely worth living). It would be bloody fantastic wouldn't it?
It wouldn't. It might seem awesome to be able to read people's minds, but only when they're saying good things. For someone with such fragile self esteem as myself, all it would take is for you to overhear someone thinking 'cor, he's piling it on nowadays, and did he dress and do his hair in the dark or something?' and I would be running home in a flood of tears and wails of 'WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO HURT?' Where Professor Xavier stands out is that he can influence people's actions. So if someone does think something bad about him, he can make them punch themselves in the face, or get someone else to punch them in the face. Although I didn't see this in the film, I'm almost certain that it's being considered should there be a sequel. Anyway, he may be able to stop people thinking bad things, but I probably wouldn't. I'm not clever enough.
I have thought of a few powers that I would like though. These don't break any laws, and (as far as I'm aware) they don't impinge on anyone's human rights, or dignity. After all, if I could stop time or something I would only end up with a number of restraining orders and/or criminal charges against me.
1) The Changingman
I'm rubbish with money. Not because I waste it on junk, I only do that when it comes to food and drink. I'm rubbish because I'm not good with change. I pay for a few items and before I know it my wallet is overwhelmed with coins, and not nice £2 or £1 coins, we're talking small change. The worst type of change. If I buy something else, do I get rid of my change? No, because I don't want to hold anyone up, and I'm always well aware that the person at the till is losing the will to live, so I pay with a note and get more change. It's a vicious circle.
My superpower would see me have the correct change at all times. "That's £3.78 please," a shopkeeper says. That's not a problem for me. All I have to do is dip into my wallet and out comes the exact amount. I would be happy, the shopkeeper would be happy, the people queuing would be happy. No bad could possibly come from having that as a superpower.
2) Burglar sense
This one allows me to detect when someone is breaking into my house, and only my house. I don't want to be some sort of vigilante like Batman. I could never live up to Batman. No, this one simply wakes me up and lets me know when someone is breaking into my house. Not only can I take the correct steps to apprehending the burglar once my power has been put to use, but when I wake up at 2am hearing an unfamiliar noise I will be safe in the knowledge that whatever it was, it was nothing to worry about. Unless it was actually the house burning down, in which case I would die in my ignorant slumber.
3) The Sandwich Maker
Hungry, but can't be bothered to lift your fat arse off the sofa and do something about it? In a rush, with no time to make anything to eat? I've experienced both of these problems before, and this power solves both of them. Instant sandwiches. Obviously the ingredients are needed before clicking my fingers, I can't just make stuff appear out of thin air. Provided I have everything though, all it takes is some simple finger clicking. One for bread, one for butter, one for fillings, one for sauce, one for cutting. It's simple. Of course, problems may occur when you click your fingers for something else and you walk into the kitchen to find bread everywhere. But that's a small price to pay for instant happiness.
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