Valentine's Day: Not Necessarily Depressing

February is an odd month. For one thing it's shorter than all the others. Don't ask me why, because I'm not entirely sure. However, I can hazard a guess that the calendar's creator, Mike Calendar, named the month after his wife's secret lover, Danny February, in an attempt to belittle him. Unfortunately, Mike didn't know his idea would take off in the way that it did, and centuries later February is a household name, and Mike doesn't get any recognition because everyone thinks it's something to do with Pope Gregory XIII.

Anyway, I have digressed, February is also an odd month because it has a special day that marks it's mid-point. That hateful little, vomit-inducing, eye-stabbing day is known to you and I as Valentine's Day. In 2011, Valentine's Day is essentially a day in which males buy pointless little things for their other half in an attempt to either avoid hatred being directed their way, or to maybe have sex by the time the night is out.

As you may be able to tell, I'm not a massive fan of February 14th, and no, it's not because I'm a hapless, lonely singleton with the most basic grasp of how romance works. I mean, I am all of those things, but I have other reasons. Firstly, my love for everything has disappeared since I watched Black Eyed Peas doing the Super Bowl half-time show. I can't work out if I was more angry at the band, the organisers, or the other people involved, such as the dancers wearing fluorescent boxes on their heads. I cannot love anything while the memory of that performance is still in my head.

Secondly, it's because Valentine's day is ultimately only worthwhile for couples who have been married more than 10 years, who have forgotten why exactly why they were joined in holy matrimony. They can give each other gifts, and try and be romantic in a half-arsed attempt to reignite their failing, loveless marriage. What's the point in being extra romantic if you're already a good boyfriend or girlfriend to your other half? You're only ever going to have to better yourself. Say you buy your other half some chocolates this year. Next year, you won't be able to do that, because it shows you haven't put any thought into the present, so you will have to go out for a meal. In twenty years time you will have to try and cajole Elton John into singing 'Your Song' to your other half over a candlelit meal on a beach in Barbados, and I'm pretty sure that won't be worth the money.

Anyway, rather than be completely bitter about the whole thing. I'm going to offer advice to people who are a little bit stuck about what to do. If you're in a relationship, well, I can't do anything to help you. You got yourself into this mess. You can get yourself out.

1. Karaoke

Karaoke is so fun isn't it? Having a few drinks and howling your way through songs you like in the company of others. Well, why not do it on Valentine's day? All you need to do is head to a restaurant (it may be difficult to get a table, but perseverance is essential). Once you are seated, get your iPod out and sing as loudly as you can. You could sing something like 'How Soon Is Now?' by The Smiths to sap the mood a little bit more. Heck, you can even turn it into a competition, by going to different restaurants and seeing how long it takes you to get kicked out.

2. The Leech

Got some friends who are hideously sucked in by the whole romance thing? Well why not try and spoil all of their plans by spending every second of the day with them. If they're watching a film, it doesn't matter, you'd love to see what happens in the latest romantic comedy. If they're going out to dinner, that doesn't matter either, how hard can it be to pull up an extra chair? They say that two is company, and three's a crowd, but that doesn't matter, because you won't be spending Valentine's Day on your own, and that's the important thing.

3. The Sensible Option

Run out of outlandish ideas? I have. Why not just buy yourself a few DVDs and spend your day watching them in bed? After all, buy a few Anne Hathaway films and after 5 hours of watching her, you can pretty much pretend you're going out with her. Then if she gets a bit boring, you can just find yourself someone else. Anne won't mind, in fact, I doubt she will even notice. No one will get hurt. If you're not into picturing yourself with someone else, you can just watch Scott Pilgrim vs The World, and remind yourself that relationships are nothing more than one long fight (or at least six relatively short ones).

Have a great Valentine's Day.

Pretentiously Indie As It May Sound...

This week, I said I was going to write about the Andy Gray/Sky/Sexism fiasco. However, two weeks have passed since the actual event, and I've realised that by now, people care about it as little as I want to write another blatantly obvious post about how Andy Gray was wrong but Sky went too far in sacking him, and add it to a mountain of articles that all say the exact same thing (unless you read The Sun, who hate sexism even though when you scroll down the page a little further on a Friday afternoon, you get treated to their 'hottest women of the week' section, which doesn't objectify the fairer sex at all).

Anyway, in the last week or so, many things have happened that have pushed the Sky fiasco out of the limelight, which is probably for the best, as it was all a bit of a storm, no, an asteroid collision in a teacup. We've had civil unrest in Egypt, as a president who has been in charge for 30 years has seemingly reached the end of his reign. We've had Top Gear presenters insulting the population of Mexico (Andy Gray got sacked for less) and our own Prime Minister has told us all that our multicultural society has failed.

Worse still, Jordan's single again, which inevitably means yet another increase in the already overly fucking generous amount of column inches she gets; I can't get a Jessie J ticket without paying double the face value, and on Wednesday, The White Stripes announced they were splitting up. Where's the good  news? Well? ANSWER ME!

Truth be told, my heart sank a little when I read that nothing fresh was going to come from the Detroit Duo. Pretentiously Indie as it may sound, but The White Stripes, along with American counterparts The Strokes, made sure we didn't spend the whole of the naughties listening to Christina Aguilera, or worse still, Limp Bizkit. Whereas The Strokes were the archetypal rock and roll band - slick, partying hard and generally looking cool as fuck - The White Stripes were different. They were quirky (a colour scheme of nothing but red, white and black was assumed throughout their time together), there was always an element of mystery about them. For one thing, people genuinely thought they were siblings for a couple of years, until it emerged they used to be married.

Musically, The White Stripes primarily kept things as simplistic as their colour scheme. A lot has been made of Meg White's drumming capabilities, but in all honesty it serves the music's purpose down to a tee. Songs such as 'Seven Nation Army' wouldn't work with complex drum beats and exuberant fills. Of course, the music does have complexities within it, but these always came from Jack White, either with his guitar (see 'Little Cream Soda') or his vocal delivery (see 'Blue Orchid').

Of course, we might have seen this split coming. We haven't heard any new material from The White Stripes in four years, and we haven't seen them live either. In that time, we've seen multiple releases from Jack under different guises, be it The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather or as a solo venture. He may have been distancing himself from his original band for some time.

That doesn't really matter now though, the harsh truth is, we'll never get to hear the likes of 'Fell In Love With A Girl', or 'Icky Thump' live again, and that in itself is a massive shame. Jack White will continue to be a guitar virtuoso, and will continue to release music. However, knowing that none of that is going to come from The White Stripes is quite saddening.