Anyway, I have digressed, February is also an odd month because it has a special day that marks it's mid-point. That hateful little, vomit-inducing, eye-stabbing day is known to you and I as Valentine's Day. In 2011, Valentine's Day is essentially a day in which males buy pointless little things for their other half in an attempt to either avoid hatred being directed their way, or to maybe have sex by the time the night is out.
As you may be able to tell, I'm not a massive fan of February 14th, and no, it's not because I'm a hapless, lonely singleton with the most basic grasp of how romance works. I mean, I am all of those things, but I have other reasons. Firstly, my love for everything has disappeared since I watched Black Eyed Peas doing the Super Bowl half-time show. I can't work out if I was more angry at the band, the organisers, or the other people involved, such as the dancers wearing fluorescent boxes on their heads. I cannot love anything while the memory of that performance is still in my head.
Secondly, it's because Valentine's day is ultimately only worthwhile for couples who have been married more than 10 years, who have forgotten why exactly why they were joined in holy matrimony. They can give each other gifts, and try and be romantic in a half-arsed attempt to reignite their failing, loveless marriage. What's the point in being extra romantic if you're already a good boyfriend or girlfriend to your other half? You're only ever going to have to better yourself. Say you buy your other half some chocolates this year. Next year, you won't be able to do that, because it shows you haven't put any thought into the present, so you will have to go out for a meal. In twenty years time you will have to try and cajole Elton John into singing 'Your Song' to your other half over a candlelit meal on a beach in Barbados, and I'm pretty sure that won't be worth the money.
Anyway, rather than be completely bitter about the whole thing. I'm going to offer advice to people who are a little bit stuck about what to do. If you're in a relationship, well, I can't do anything to help you. You got yourself into this mess. You can get yourself out.
1. Karaoke
As you may be able to tell, I'm not a massive fan of February 14th, and no, it's not because I'm a hapless, lonely singleton with the most basic grasp of how romance works. I mean, I am all of those things, but I have other reasons. Firstly, my love for everything has disappeared since I watched Black Eyed Peas doing the Super Bowl half-time show. I can't work out if I was more angry at the band, the organisers, or the other people involved, such as the dancers wearing fluorescent boxes on their heads. I cannot love anything while the memory of that performance is still in my head.
Secondly, it's because Valentine's day is ultimately only worthwhile for couples who have been married more than 10 years, who have forgotten why exactly why they were joined in holy matrimony. They can give each other gifts, and try and be romantic in a half-arsed attempt to reignite their failing, loveless marriage. What's the point in being extra romantic if you're already a good boyfriend or girlfriend to your other half? You're only ever going to have to better yourself. Say you buy your other half some chocolates this year. Next year, you won't be able to do that, because it shows you haven't put any thought into the present, so you will have to go out for a meal. In twenty years time you will have to try and cajole Elton John into singing 'Your Song' to your other half over a candlelit meal on a beach in Barbados, and I'm pretty sure that won't be worth the money.
Anyway, rather than be completely bitter about the whole thing. I'm going to offer advice to people who are a little bit stuck about what to do. If you're in a relationship, well, I can't do anything to help you. You got yourself into this mess. You can get yourself out.
1. Karaoke
Karaoke is so fun isn't it? Having a few drinks and howling your way through songs you like in the company of others. Well, why not do it on Valentine's day? All you need to do is head to a restaurant (it may be difficult to get a table, but perseverance is essential). Once you are seated, get your iPod out and sing as loudly as you can. You could sing something like 'How Soon Is Now?' by The Smiths to sap the mood a little bit more. Heck, you can even turn it into a competition, by going to different restaurants and seeing how long it takes you to get kicked out.
2. The Leech
2. The Leech
Got some friends who are hideously sucked in by the whole romance thing? Well why not try and spoil all of their plans by spending every second of the day with them. If they're watching a film, it doesn't matter, you'd love to see what happens in the latest romantic comedy. If they're going out to dinner, that doesn't matter either, how hard can it be to pull up an extra chair? They say that two is company, and three's a crowd, but that doesn't matter, because you won't be spending Valentine's Day on your own, and that's the important thing.
3. The Sensible Option
Run out of outlandish ideas? I have. Why not just buy yourself a few DVDs and spend your day watching them in bed? After all, buy a few Anne Hathaway films and after 5 hours of watching her, you can pretty much pretend you're going out with her. Then if she gets a bit boring, you can just find yourself someone else. Anne won't mind, in fact, I doubt she will even notice. No one will get hurt. If you're not into picturing yourself with someone else, you can just watch Scott Pilgrim vs The World, and remind yourself that relationships are nothing more than one long fight (or at least six relatively short ones).
Have a great Valentine's Day.
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