Have you ever watched something and felt as if you are helplessly witnessing a car crash of the most horrific proportions? For example, you may have read about or watched the coverage about Charlie Sheen recently, there are car crashes slowing down to watch him. It’s just something that you know full well is going wrong right in front of your very eyes.
I feel like that every time I watch football on ITV. I curse the fact that most football on terrestrial television that isn’t Match of the Day belongs to a bunch of morons that can’t help but make coverage of a football match tragic.
The whole package is just wrong. Using the FA Cup coverage as an example, we start with our sponsors Keith, Ian and Andy (they represent KIA, it’s funny because their names make up the initials of the firm), three people who in no way represent the archetypal football fan. At least I hope not, if they do then we are all doomed. From here we have the titles, put together in horrendous comic book style with a musical backdrop of The Enemy, who specialise in making music for beer-swilling, loud idiots.
Once the titles end we are greeted by Adrian Chiles, who seems more determined to be my friend than someone who introduces an important game of football. He’s patronising and he tries too hard to be funny, which was acceptable when he was presenting Match of the Day 2 or The One Show, but not, for example, if Tottenham want to beat AC Milan to make it into the Champions League quarter-finals on Wednesday Night.
Credit where credit is due though, most of the time there is at least one pundit that seems to know what he is talking about. This usually comes in the form of Andy Townsend, and in the past we’ve had the likes of Allardyce and Strachan to retain an ounce of credibility.
By now, I’m fully aware that I just sound like a grumpy young man that despises football, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love football. Obviously there are aspects of the game that make my blood boil with rage, but that is true of everyone. I’m just fed up of having my enjoyment of a game ruined by the poor quality package put together by its broadcasters.
The BBC have got their coverage spot on. They have the perfect presenter in Gary Lineker, a model professional both in his playing and presenting careers. He knows what it’s like to be on that field, so he knows how to address his audience. The only time Adrian Chiles will make it onto a football pitch is if there’s charity involved. Lineker also knows about tactics, and he’s backed up by good pundits in Alan Hansen and Alan Shearer, which makes for excellent analysis in the breaks.
In fact, the BBC is so superior; I would pay extra for the license fee if it meant having more football on there. It would be more than worth it, simply because I’d be safe in the knowledge that a game of football wasn’t going to be brought to me by Peter, Richard, Ian, Colin, Kevin and Simon.

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